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In Your Face
by Ida Bin Burnt ©
     
Please be advised : This is a fabricated, disgruntle advise column.( fun; not to be taken literally.)    
Dear Ida,
Every time I meet someone that I have great sex with (that is usually no good for me). I seem to loose all contact with the world around me and find myself unable to concentrate. Can this be cured some way?
Beth

Dear Beth,
NO...there is no cure...It is called "I am fucking stupid syndrome".
When you are finally over it you will then go thought the ..."Why didn't I listen to my Friends Stage". Vow that it will never happen again and of course it does until you cross over. Which is another story all together.
Truly Ida


Dear Ida,
Why do butch women feel that it is OK not to call you for 3 days after making love?

Tiffany

My sweet Tiffany,
Get a hobby...I see no problem with this.
Ida


Dear Ida,
Does anyone suck more than an X that cheated on you?

Judy

Dear Judy,
YES...an X who cheated on you with your best friend

Ida


Dear Ida,
I'm a butch women seeking love but every time I meet a girl they never seem to want to spend enough time with me. Your thoughts on this...please,
Jo

Dear Jo,
Ya Ya I have some thoughts...You are a poor ass excuse for a butch. Maybe you should buy some bon bons and have a good cry !

Truly Ida


Dear Ida,
I'm not attractive, a bit heavy, but I need sex. Can you
help?
Deb

Dear Deb,
Have you noticed most fat girls are named Deb.
LOSE WEIGHT!
Ida


Dear Ida,
My girlfriend Kim loves to dress in really slutty clothes. At the beginning I thought this was cool but now I don't like it anymore. How should I handle this?
Lisa
From Medford

Dear Lisa from Medford,
Get the fuck over it! I'm so sick and tired of bitches trying to change your ass once they get you. Be happy her name isn't Deb.
Truly,
Ida


Dear Ida,
My girlfriend and I broke up a month ago. She moved out and I was left with bills and her shit. Should I sell the shit to pay the bills or just struggle.
Confused - Aged woman

Dear Confused - Aged woman,
Burn the shit, laugh, and remember... "People don't suffer with insanity, they love every minute of it."
It will help.
Ida


Dear Ida,
I have a tatoo of my Ex's name on my arm, what should do?
Jackie

Dear Jackie,
Cut your fucking arm off!
Truly
Ida Bin Burnt


Dear Ida,
Why do lesbians live with each other after they break up?
What is that all about !
Linda

Dear Linda,
I'm pretty sure it's in the manual. It usually is only for about a year. You see...it takes only a moment to start a relationship. Then we immediately move in with each other. Then your over before the actual break up ( no sex). Then it takes a year to move out. It may have something to do with splitting everything, then re-establishing your friendship and then of course you have to criticize your x with every girl they date after you until you finally move out. 90% of the time you move right in with your new girlfriend. Please note:This is only most cases but not all.

Ida


Dear Ida,
How long should you wait until you have sex with someone?
Mary

Dear Mary,
I feel very strongly that you should have sex right away and as often as possible. The beginning of a relationship is the best. That' when you still actually like each other. Take full advantage of this!

Ida


Dear Ida,
I have been dating for a long time now (usually date a couple of girls) My friends want me to give it up & settle down. They say I need a girlfriend (they are all in relationships) . I do think of it sometimes but I really love my life. Am I to old for this...26
Under allot of pressure...
Sue


Dear Sue,
Your only 26 ! Stay single & have fun. Your friends just want you to be married like them because they see all the fun your having. Stay strong, date and have fun !

Ida


Dear Ida,
Why do x-girlfriends always get involved with women that are losers ?
Beth

Dear Beth,
They do this as a form of punishment to themselves for fucking up their relationship with you.

Truly Ida


Dear Ida,
Is it cool to be a virgin ? I know a lot of girls that date but don't have sex. Am I missing something here?
Vicki

Dear Vicki,
NO...and get away from these people. Sex keeps people sane. Anyone not having sex I just would not trust !

Ida


Dear Ida,
Every once in a while I get weak and sleep with my X. How do I stop this ? Why does it happen and can you help me?
Candy

Candy,
There is NO help for this problem. I call it the..."I had nothing to fuckin do this week so I slept with my X syndrome" .The only way to weed this nasty habit out completely is to stay busy , get some hobbies and have sex with strangers. Try to stay focused on all the money your saving.
Good luck,

Ida


Dear Ida,
Does going on vacation and accidentally sleeping with someone that you will never see again and is completely meaningless to you considered cheating ?
Lisa (not my real name)

Dear Lisa (don't care what your real name is)
As long as it was accidental then NO , it does not and you need not to ever confess this to anyone. Keep in mind you are only allowed to do this once in your life and only if you have been with your girlfriend for under one year.
Truly Ida


Dear Ida,
How much time has to pass before you can go out with your friends x ?
Just wondering

Dear Just wondering,
If you and your friend are close but not best friends... 2 yrs. 3 months. If you and your friend don't really hang but are friends... 6 months 3 days. If you just know them but never
speak on the phone... 4 weeks 2 days but if you are best friends.. never and if you do your a piece of shit !
please note : you also need to factor in how long there relationship was. These time frames are based on a one year relationship. For every year after that add 6 months.
Ida